Change is in the Air

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank what ever Gods maybe,
For my unconquerable soul.

Invictus is a great beginning for change. "I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul."

~ or ~

On a lighter side:

"If you ever start taking things too seriously, just remember that we are talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe." Joe Rogan. Thanks Michala Connelly, I needed that.

~ or ~

Do I need look any farther than the Seahawks win on Sunday: As you all know I'm not much of a Seahawks fan or any other sport team for that matter, but, and this is a BIG BUT: When I left work Sunday the security guards were clustered around some device listening-watching the game and I asked, "So, how are they doing?" The gloomy answer was "We are behind, but the game isn't over yet."

I drove twenty-six miles home, got out of my car as a neighbor was walking by and she said,"We won." How that happened in twenty-six miles I will never understand but the lesson learned; "It isn't how you start, it is how you finish."

Change is in the air, turning over a new leaf, true blue, true North. How many metaphors apply to when we are ready to head a new direction, even if we don't know what that direction is.

I am ready for a change. I am not scientific, mathematical, mechanical, or computer literate. I can't dig ditches or fly a plane. I actually don't fit the world very well, kind of like rocks in a jello mold. I want a nice quiet sedentary job in some back room that pays a semi-living wage with health benefits, no parking expense, and an itty bitty commute. There has to be a place for me in all this expanding universe. I want to re-purpose me, a job fit for a grandmother's body that dribbles, leaks, aches and creaks and is just a little befuddled some of the time. Any ideas?

"We should all be able to sit down to God's banquet."
Movie Jimmy P.

The problem with job hunting is it's hard work, kind of like having a second job. When my computer crashed my resume crashed with it, so I'm trying to build another one that WON'T get me hired at another call center.

And I dither. It is hard to leave the comfort zone of the current rhythm of my days. It's hard to minimize my CSR skills and beef up my other skills, which are few and far between. It's hard to phrase, in hire-able language, how different and not-normal I am and still expect to get hired somewhere. It's hard to document a love of turtles, tolerance, patience, listening ability and that I am funny, smart, creative and appreciate smashed trombones. Writing fun tests for potential family members doesn't fit any matrix no matter how good I am at it.

I'll start to write down some statistics about myself and find myself remembering the day I drove down Highway 99 with Jabba The Hutt in the car behind me. I swear. There was the bald head, the huge slopping shoulders, the massive body filling out every square inch of the driver's seat, the complete disregard for my life as he smugly punched the car to within nano-seconds away. I escaped, but barely.

I'll start to compose an impressive list of accomplishments and fall asleep. I'll start to list my employment history and decide I need to rearrange my candles, now. I don't know about you, but I call that dithering. Yep, it is hard to leave this comfort zone for a new adventure, a new path, a new road to the future. Or as my friend Lynn once told me it's like pulling a slug off a rock.

Dithering: Son's dinner coming up. Ian is going to Tuscon soon. I'll watch Connor play basketball this evening. Mary and I are having dinner tomorrow. I had some Ivar's ice cream. It's cold today. I had a goofy dream about Bam Bam Kam Chancellor; Jerry, Jean and I were hosting him on a driving tour of Oklahoma and took him to one of our favorite tiny restaurants in a tiny Oklahoma town. Word got out and people started coming in asking for his autograph and asking us, "Do you really know him." If there is a metaphor in there I'm not sure what it is, except, maybe, I saw a film of him jumping over the heads of the other team, so maybe it is a metaphor for "go for it." I can live with that.

Another favorite Seahawks comment from FB. "Hey Aaron, I'll spot you 16 points, throw 4 interceptions, and only play the last 3 minutes." I don't know who Aaron is or what an interception is, but I understood this anyway. It's not how you start, it's how you finish.

Good bye vacation time, hello new adventure.

I am the captain of my soul.