What if?
Jean had become a teacher?
Janice an accountant?
Jerry a forester of some sort?
Jan a writer or artist or fashion designer?
Julia an adventurer?
Jeff? What ever his heart's desire might have been.
I'm sorry Jeff, I haven't a clue.
But "what if" those professions had become our world?
As the speeches at Josephine's funeral were about fearlessness,
Would the speeches at Jean's funeral be any less about love?
Would the speeches at Janice's funeral be any less about success, helping so many financially, her no nonsense, practical, don't tolerate fools attitude?
Jerry's any less about protecting, taking care of, covering the backs of his loved ones?
Mine any less about creativity, flakiness, being an odd ball rebel?
Julia's any less about adventures? Always taking a high road, a low road, a hill climb, driving to TX for fun in full Texas summer heat, or driving to Texas for bird watching (not many you know have done that) driving to California just because, going to the zoo, any zoo, many zoos, wandering around with a child attached to her, whether niece or nephew or son or daughter. Always providing an adventure, an experience -- theatrical or natural or artistic.
Jeff's be any less about his humor, his contentment, helpfulness, his ability to tell a funny story, his ability to take any story and make it funny no matter what or how bad that experience was?
Professions don't make the person. Jane would be a nurse with or without a degree. Tal would be slow moving and thoughtful, reading at all hours of the day and night, never ruffled or overly excited, taking life in stride with an ornery sense of humor intact no matter what, appreciative of human foibles no matter what.
We as siblings and humans are so much more. I don't really know where I am going with these thoughts, just having them, loving my family, thinking of them, appreciating them. Aware of the travails the Milam cousins are having now and thinking of them, appreciating them, wishing them peace.
I watched the Roger Ebert documentary film, Life, Itself, and borrowed this quote: "We must contribute joy to the world. I didn't always know this and I am happy I lived long enough to find this out."
As am I.
Jerry recommended a book, The Colorado Kid. This was a great recommend for me because it helped articulate my beliefs. I believe we are surrounded by the mysteries of life, but become mired down in knowing, absolutely, that our beliefs are right, instead of being wibbel-wobbly about our beliefs, because nothing is certain.
Our great, wide, wild, space and time isn't done yet. The infinity of our great, wide, wild, space and time has many mysteries to reveal. All the stuff humans know 100%, for sure, absolutely, is mostly wrong. Everything changes in space and time. Did you know you are never, never, never supposed to give your infant rice cereal as a first food? Everything changes. If humans, parents, doctors, science, and corporate America can be wrong about so simple a thing as infant rice cereal how exponentially wrong can we be about the Universe, God, infinity?
Stephen King wrote in this book that as humans, "We are in free fall from where ever to ain't-got-a-clue" Or on a sunny February afternoon in Jerry's back yard Jerry mentioned Neil DeGrassi, who suggested, investigation should not stop at God. "Why stop there?"
It is so much bigger than me.
John Houston said, "It is so much bigger than me it would be impertinent to say what it is." Loved that thought 40 years ago, love it today. There is a tendency to fill-in-the-blanks with probable, logical, spiritual, the maybe, the wish-it-were-so, to connect the dots, always striving for absolute understanding. Understandable is comforting, but it ain't necessarily the truth. What if mankind doesn't have answers for another 26,000 years, does that make us less valuable today? A little illumination is lovely, but it's mighty big out there and a small candle of illumination just doesn't shed light on the whole. Even the Sun can't illuminate the whole world. We have come a far piece, got a piece to go.
God, goat, or nothing at all I am all in.
Mystery is enough, for me, for now.
As long as I am in a quoting mood here are two more:
"Worry is the misuse of the imagination." Don't have the author.
Art Buchwald died at age 81, he said what he most regretted in his long life was not eating enough eclairs.
A young friend, Lisa Bruce, posted on Facebook a picture of a huge blackboard wall she found in Mt Vernon with the simple words Before I die I want ______ and then the chalk so anyone wandering by could fill in the blank.
What if we continue to people the world with folks like us; loving, protecting, adventurous, thrifty, healing, studious, content, artistic? Would the world be a bad place?
What if we change things, open ourselves to new experiences, observe, watch, make connections, strive for mindfulness, take time to be alone, chase passionate dreams, ask questions, daydream, take risks, or go with the flow, all part of a list of attributes of creative folks, would the world be worse off?
What if I could make someone happy today?
What if I could sink in mystery today?
What if my three sons came to the family reunion this year?
That would make me happy, that is a mystery I will think about.
"If you want to go fast go alone. If you want to go far go together."
African proverb
Thursday, March 19, 2015
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Fog, Flowers, Rain and Pizza
It rained in Settle yesterday. I'm using the term rain loosely here, it was more of a get-your-glasses-wet mist. Let's just say it was the first moisture to fall out of the sky in eleven days. I was talking to Kathy and she said she recently experienced a Seattle type day with the low soft grey sky and the soft misty rain. She didn't say she loved it, she said she could live with weather like that. What she hates is the bitter wind, freezing rain, pelting sleet and hail, snow, however, she was experiencing a stunning Texas day at the park with her beloved husband and Avery. She won't be able to visit me in July.
Jerry and Jane won't visit in April. It's okay, the tulips are peaking now. With a record breaking warm December, and then a warm warm February, the jonquil and tulip blooms have taken over Skagit Valley. I don't believe you would have made it in time anyway Jerry. Oh well, there is always next year.
Tal and Julia won't be visiting due to some fishing trip planned.
If I can't ponder company I am left to ponder fog. Love me some soft Mukilteo fog. I leave Seattle in the afternoon in brilliant sunshine and the further North I drive the foggier it gets. Beautiful soft fog starts enveloping the horizon as I leave I-5 and turn North on SR 525 then it gets thicker and thicker. As I pass the ridge and start my little downhill slope to home, on the ferry side of Mukilteo not the QFC side, the fog is complete. Mukilteo with its soft mild perfect temperatures, fog, and flowers. Flowers are blooming everywhere.
The purple rhododendrons are blooming, I don't know why purple always blooms first, but they do. Redbud trees, forsythia, some trees covered in white, I don't know if they are plum, pear or something else entirely, but they are beautiful and in full bloom. Pink, white and purple ground cover is filling the gaps around fences and rock walls. Don't know the name of them either. Trees are getting covered in a soft green fuzz as they thicken and start to leaf out. The first frogs I heard were in January. Hearing the frogs always portends spring to me. Love me some singing frogs. And all those the tulips and jonquils dazzle. Fog, frogs, and flowers awaken my soul.
Seattle at its finest that I'm enjoying while it lasts. Seattle is almost as bad as Oklahoma with "do not trust the weather" tomorrow could bring a snowstorm. We had one in late April once, of course Arkansas beat that with their May snowstorm. Was that last year?
The local pizza place had a sign out front that said 40 million pizzas will be eaten in America today, 40 million! That's a big number and made me curious. What about coffee? A quick search came up with the number of 400 million cups of coffee are consumed by Americans -- every day -- 400 million! I do my share. Americans are the most coffee drinking culture in the world and Seattle has 10 x more coffee shops then the average city. Are you surprised?
I tried to find statistics on sushi but only came up with rules and etiquette on eating sushi. Rules for eating sushi! Did I ever mention how much I hate rules. Bah-humbug, sounds elitist to me. It opens up the world of I'm eating sushi correctly and you aren't, you moron you. When is it okay to use your fingers and when is it okay to use chopsticks, when and how to dip in wasabi or soy sauce, when and how, oh never mind, it makes me angry just thinking about it. Tradition and culture okay, but rules, never.
I am usually opposed to that type of line drawing, elitist line drawing, name calling, bullying, only because it leads to other more heavy handed line drawing. It belittles and demeans, it says I'm okay you aren't, I'm in the right you aren't, I'm smart you aren't. If you can break rules eating sushi you don't stand a chance with other more serious social mores. I believe it can eventually, in the extreme, lead to the environment where it is okay to behead someone for following different rules.
Plaid pants, so what.
Dog meat, so what.
Noxious music, so what.
Conservative neighbors, so what.
Mega church, so what.
I'm not an Okie, so I'm okay.
I'm not fat, so I'm okay.
I'm not a moron like you. so I'm okay.
Jeezus -- now I'm being heavy handed. Where did my singing frogs go?
In life the risks and responsibilities are mine for me alone.
Jerry and Jane won't visit in April. It's okay, the tulips are peaking now. With a record breaking warm December, and then a warm warm February, the jonquil and tulip blooms have taken over Skagit Valley. I don't believe you would have made it in time anyway Jerry. Oh well, there is always next year.
Tal and Julia won't be visiting due to some fishing trip planned.
If I can't ponder company I am left to ponder fog. Love me some soft Mukilteo fog. I leave Seattle in the afternoon in brilliant sunshine and the further North I drive the foggier it gets. Beautiful soft fog starts enveloping the horizon as I leave I-5 and turn North on SR 525 then it gets thicker and thicker. As I pass the ridge and start my little downhill slope to home, on the ferry side of Mukilteo not the QFC side, the fog is complete. Mukilteo with its soft mild perfect temperatures, fog, and flowers. Flowers are blooming everywhere.
The purple rhododendrons are blooming, I don't know why purple always blooms first, but they do. Redbud trees, forsythia, some trees covered in white, I don't know if they are plum, pear or something else entirely, but they are beautiful and in full bloom. Pink, white and purple ground cover is filling the gaps around fences and rock walls. Don't know the name of them either. Trees are getting covered in a soft green fuzz as they thicken and start to leaf out. The first frogs I heard were in January. Hearing the frogs always portends spring to me. Love me some singing frogs. And all those the tulips and jonquils dazzle. Fog, frogs, and flowers awaken my soul.
Seattle at its finest that I'm enjoying while it lasts. Seattle is almost as bad as Oklahoma with "do not trust the weather" tomorrow could bring a snowstorm. We had one in late April once, of course Arkansas beat that with their May snowstorm. Was that last year?
The local pizza place had a sign out front that said 40 million pizzas will be eaten in America today, 40 million! That's a big number and made me curious. What about coffee? A quick search came up with the number of 400 million cups of coffee are consumed by Americans -- every day -- 400 million! I do my share. Americans are the most coffee drinking culture in the world and Seattle has 10 x more coffee shops then the average city. Are you surprised?
I tried to find statistics on sushi but only came up with rules and etiquette on eating sushi. Rules for eating sushi! Did I ever mention how much I hate rules. Bah-humbug, sounds elitist to me. It opens up the world of I'm eating sushi correctly and you aren't, you moron you. When is it okay to use your fingers and when is it okay to use chopsticks, when and how to dip in wasabi or soy sauce, when and how, oh never mind, it makes me angry just thinking about it. Tradition and culture okay, but rules, never.
I am usually opposed to that type of line drawing, elitist line drawing, name calling, bullying, only because it leads to other more heavy handed line drawing. It belittles and demeans, it says I'm okay you aren't, I'm in the right you aren't, I'm smart you aren't. If you can break rules eating sushi you don't stand a chance with other more serious social mores. I believe it can eventually, in the extreme, lead to the environment where it is okay to behead someone for following different rules.
Plaid pants, so what.
Dog meat, so what.
Noxious music, so what.
Conservative neighbors, so what.
Mega church, so what.
I'm not an Okie, so I'm okay.
I'm not fat, so I'm okay.
I'm not a moron like you. so I'm okay.
Jeezus -- now I'm being heavy handed. Where did my singing frogs go?
In life the risks and responsibilities are mine for me alone.
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Out of the Ordinary
Once in a golden hour
I cast to Earth a seed
Up there came a flower
The people said a weed. From Tennyson.
It is a weed only by the company it keeps. It all depends on which field you are standing in. In other ground, with other surroundings, it's a grass, or a dandelion, or a fern, or a giant sequoia. The point of grass in a field of something else isn't obvious, but a grass isn't out-of-the-ordinary. A blade of grass, or what ever, thrives where it is planted, it is perfect in all of God's intentions. As am I. As are you.
I became sad in California. There was lots of former-life nostalgia. There were weather reports on TV which listed all the places I had lived. Where Little Lonnie was born. Where Lonnie and Little Lonnie died. Something big was happening in Carson CA so it was on the news every day, every hour it seemed, and that was where the receiving hospital was that accepted the bodies after the accident, both dead and alive. I became sad in California and I haven't quite shaken it yet. But life goes on as it tends to do.
Work, sons, Connor, car (I crunched it and Christian couldn't fix it). My sweet pretty little car now has a ding on it. If it's four feet long is it still called a ding? I've parked in the same place, in the same downtown parking lot, in the same space, space 115, next to the same bushes for years, years, so how is it that on that particular Tuesday morning I side-swiped the bushes -- bad. I heard the crunch going in and then heard the crunch backing out. Oh, have no fear, I did a number on it. It was dark, very dark and I am such an old lady. Or so Christian told me after I complained that Ian thinks I am such an old lady, Christian's response was, well you are.
I started my retirement job which I didn't know I wanted until Tal asked me why I wanted to change jobs during my recent visit to Oklahoma. Thanks Tal, now I know I want to retire but can't afford to, so second choice is get an easier job. I succeeded with that by changing my work schedule from 40 hours a week to 32 hours a week. I just thought I didn't want a long commute, to drive downtown, walk up the hill, stand around in the rain to smoke. I was so wrong.
The living, a living.
So a new life is starting with same days on and same days off, with all vacation time and benefits still firmly in place, same work station, break room, colleagues and bosses, but a new Jan dancing out of there at 1:30 instead of 3:30. I will get back to you on the poorer part.
In life all risks and responsibilities are mine.
Speaking of risks did you know a downtown office building can have Conditions of Entry? "Property is reserved for the use of our patrons and customers. All violations of the Seattle Municipal Code and Revised Code of Washington are prohibited. No entry after business hours without permission of owners." So my downtown office building is about 18 stories tall, the Conditions of Entry notice is about 18 inches square and not even tacked to the back door, but instead at an obscure corner of the building. Talk about the fine print at the bottom of a contract. Beware you might be breaking some official code. Risks, always risks.
Life is a risk isn't it? At Janice's b-day trip as the organ recital began, and continued and continued, I realized I am doomed. Doomed. I was lost in the discussions of Medicare, Medicaid, insurance, what's covered and what isn't, what doctors will take Medicare patients and which won't, what insurance supplements are needed and why. I was lost. I figure the only solution is to hurry and die.
The trip to California, ostensibly to celebrate Janice's birthday, turned into the Janice and Art show. What a show it was. They work in concert like buzzing bees. We had a blast, we talked, ate, some petted the dogs, had delicious meals, delicious fruit, delicious company and watched Janice and Art fuss some more. From the den to the breakfast nook to the backyard patio it was entertainment at its finest. Jerry can make coffee, Art can cook egg McMuffins, pick lemons, walk the dogs, keep Janice's oxygen flowing, work in the garden, monitor roses and tomatoes and just about everything else that needed doing.
It took two drivers, two cars, multiple coupons and we were off. First up for business was the birthday dinner at The Black Angus, then the next night The Soup Plantation, then the third night some fabulous Mexican food but I forget the name of the restaurant. I am such an old lady.
The next day, after the Mexican feast, Jane announced at the back patio door that she was heating up leftovers and if we didn't eat neither would she. Yikes, what a conundrum; I didn't want to starve Jane, but neither did I want the leftovers. Lucky for me Janice and Jean answered the call and I could continue to try, key word here is TRY, to get my blood sugar somewhere closer to normal control. See above paragraph about organ recital. Jane blesses everyone with her caring and attention. What would we do without her. Me? I ate some lousy vegetables instead of delicious Mexican.
Have you heard this story about Jane: Before Jean went into the hospital for two quarts of blood Jerry and Jane had driven over to pick up the Christmas breakfast cookies Jean had made. Jane took one look at Jean and knew she wasn't right, knew she needed more help, knew she was sicker than she admitted. Jean said no she was okay and Jane being respectful left, however she told Jerry on their drive home she just didn't feel right leaving Jean in the physical state she was in. So, in a last ditch effort in caring and attention she called Jean and offered to take her to the emergency room.
Later as Jean was reciting the story she said, I was about to call 911, when 911 called me.
Yep, not every family has it's own personal 911 service. That is our Jane at her finest. She can look at you, a kid, a dog, or a foot and know it isn't well, know it isn't right, know it's time to haul yo' ass to the emergency room. Thank you Jane. We thrive where we are planted perfect in God's intention.
Food and family, two of my favorite things, you can't beat the combination.
Jane is loving, California is shiny, dogs need petting, books need reading, life needs some fussing, life needs some living, life needs, well, life needs some life.
Sons dinner Sunday, I'm making pulled pork. Thank you Brittany for the spice packets. Ian comes home today. My car is still crunched. Connor and I colored, built with Legos, ate dinner, and in general had a delightful evening last night. Jerry is excited that Book Club is planning a retreat to Flathead Lake in Montana, he is going to test if he is a true member of Book Club or not.
Jan's reading gets lighter and lighter as Jerry's gets heavier and heavier. Last fantastic book I read was recommended by Jerry for Book Club; The Pick Up by Nadine Gordimer. Julia if you want to read The Curve of Time I will send you my copy.
Janice loves birds, crossword puzzles, puppies or dogs in general, sweet sentimental commercials, Southern California, a good coupon, family visits, Art, a good laugh. Janice's birthday is over for a year and Art's is looming. March 13th for the old guy.
Life with all its risks and responsibilities, and food and family, does it get any better?
We are all out of the ordinary in the most amazingly ordinary ways.
I cast to Earth a seed
Up there came a flower
The people said a weed. From Tennyson.
It is a weed only by the company it keeps. It all depends on which field you are standing in. In other ground, with other surroundings, it's a grass, or a dandelion, or a fern, or a giant sequoia. The point of grass in a field of something else isn't obvious, but a grass isn't out-of-the-ordinary. A blade of grass, or what ever, thrives where it is planted, it is perfect in all of God's intentions. As am I. As are you.
I became sad in California. There was lots of former-life nostalgia. There were weather reports on TV which listed all the places I had lived. Where Little Lonnie was born. Where Lonnie and Little Lonnie died. Something big was happening in Carson CA so it was on the news every day, every hour it seemed, and that was where the receiving hospital was that accepted the bodies after the accident, both dead and alive. I became sad in California and I haven't quite shaken it yet. But life goes on as it tends to do.
Work, sons, Connor, car (I crunched it and Christian couldn't fix it). My sweet pretty little car now has a ding on it. If it's four feet long is it still called a ding? I've parked in the same place, in the same downtown parking lot, in the same space, space 115, next to the same bushes for years, years, so how is it that on that particular Tuesday morning I side-swiped the bushes -- bad. I heard the crunch going in and then heard the crunch backing out. Oh, have no fear, I did a number on it. It was dark, very dark and I am such an old lady. Or so Christian told me after I complained that Ian thinks I am such an old lady, Christian's response was, well you are.
I started my retirement job which I didn't know I wanted until Tal asked me why I wanted to change jobs during my recent visit to Oklahoma. Thanks Tal, now I know I want to retire but can't afford to, so second choice is get an easier job. I succeeded with that by changing my work schedule from 40 hours a week to 32 hours a week. I just thought I didn't want a long commute, to drive downtown, walk up the hill, stand around in the rain to smoke. I was so wrong.
The living, a living.
So a new life is starting with same days on and same days off, with all vacation time and benefits still firmly in place, same work station, break room, colleagues and bosses, but a new Jan dancing out of there at 1:30 instead of 3:30. I will get back to you on the poorer part.
In life all risks and responsibilities are mine.
Speaking of risks did you know a downtown office building can have Conditions of Entry? "Property is reserved for the use of our patrons and customers. All violations of the Seattle Municipal Code and Revised Code of Washington are prohibited. No entry after business hours without permission of owners." So my downtown office building is about 18 stories tall, the Conditions of Entry notice is about 18 inches square and not even tacked to the back door, but instead at an obscure corner of the building. Talk about the fine print at the bottom of a contract. Beware you might be breaking some official code. Risks, always risks.
Life is a risk isn't it? At Janice's b-day trip as the organ recital began, and continued and continued, I realized I am doomed. Doomed. I was lost in the discussions of Medicare, Medicaid, insurance, what's covered and what isn't, what doctors will take Medicare patients and which won't, what insurance supplements are needed and why. I was lost. I figure the only solution is to hurry and die.
The trip to California, ostensibly to celebrate Janice's birthday, turned into the Janice and Art show. What a show it was. They work in concert like buzzing bees. We had a blast, we talked, ate, some petted the dogs, had delicious meals, delicious fruit, delicious company and watched Janice and Art fuss some more. From the den to the breakfast nook to the backyard patio it was entertainment at its finest. Jerry can make coffee, Art can cook egg McMuffins, pick lemons, walk the dogs, keep Janice's oxygen flowing, work in the garden, monitor roses and tomatoes and just about everything else that needed doing.
It took two drivers, two cars, multiple coupons and we were off. First up for business was the birthday dinner at The Black Angus, then the next night The Soup Plantation, then the third night some fabulous Mexican food but I forget the name of the restaurant. I am such an old lady.
The next day, after the Mexican feast, Jane announced at the back patio door that she was heating up leftovers and if we didn't eat neither would she. Yikes, what a conundrum; I didn't want to starve Jane, but neither did I want the leftovers. Lucky for me Janice and Jean answered the call and I could continue to try, key word here is TRY, to get my blood sugar somewhere closer to normal control. See above paragraph about organ recital. Jane blesses everyone with her caring and attention. What would we do without her. Me? I ate some lousy vegetables instead of delicious Mexican.
Have you heard this story about Jane: Before Jean went into the hospital for two quarts of blood Jerry and Jane had driven over to pick up the Christmas breakfast cookies Jean had made. Jane took one look at Jean and knew she wasn't right, knew she needed more help, knew she was sicker than she admitted. Jean said no she was okay and Jane being respectful left, however she told Jerry on their drive home she just didn't feel right leaving Jean in the physical state she was in. So, in a last ditch effort in caring and attention she called Jean and offered to take her to the emergency room.
Later as Jean was reciting the story she said, I was about to call 911, when 911 called me.
Yep, not every family has it's own personal 911 service. That is our Jane at her finest. She can look at you, a kid, a dog, or a foot and know it isn't well, know it isn't right, know it's time to haul yo' ass to the emergency room. Thank you Jane. We thrive where we are planted perfect in God's intention.
Food and family, two of my favorite things, you can't beat the combination.
Jane is loving, California is shiny, dogs need petting, books need reading, life needs some fussing, life needs some living, life needs, well, life needs some life.
Sons dinner Sunday, I'm making pulled pork. Thank you Brittany for the spice packets. Ian comes home today. My car is still crunched. Connor and I colored, built with Legos, ate dinner, and in general had a delightful evening last night. Jerry is excited that Book Club is planning a retreat to Flathead Lake in Montana, he is going to test if he is a true member of Book Club or not.
Jan's reading gets lighter and lighter as Jerry's gets heavier and heavier. Last fantastic book I read was recommended by Jerry for Book Club; The Pick Up by Nadine Gordimer. Julia if you want to read The Curve of Time I will send you my copy.
Janice loves birds, crossword puzzles, puppies or dogs in general, sweet sentimental commercials, Southern California, a good coupon, family visits, Art, a good laugh. Janice's birthday is over for a year and Art's is looming. March 13th for the old guy.
Life with all its risks and responsibilities, and food and family, does it get any better?
We are all out of the ordinary in the most amazingly ordinary ways.
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