The Abyss

I was having a friendly chat with Kathy Noland and mentioned my myriad aches and pains. I said I don't know where they come from. I was really doing fine, in fact I was down right smug at how little arthritis and aches and pains I had, when it seemed like all of a sudden -- wham -- I'm aching everywhere, head to foot, just like an old lady. Just like any old lady would. 

Kathy said a wise nurse told her once people don't age gracefully or gradually, aging is like stepping off into an abyss. Over the cliff I have gone. 

And on a lighter note I am an old fart. I make old references, old jokes, and listen to old music. I have old knees, old complaints, old sleep patterns, old books, old habits, and old dust. I have my old lady cane for balance and old lady house slippers so I can toddle around my home in shoes with good arch support for my old feet. I am not aging gracefully.

I had to drive to work in the wind. I hate driving in the wind.
I had to drive to work in the rain. I hate driving to work in the rain.
I had to drive to work in the fog. I hate driving to work in the fog.
Maybe I just hate driving to work like any old lady.
I will admit I am a wee bit jealous of Kathy Noland being her sweet retired self. Her sweet young retired self.


Roger was telling me he was talking to Connor and Connor was quite concerned that Santa wouldn't find him this year. He will be so many places: Mom's, Dad's, Papa's and Gramma's, and/or Granny's that how would Santa find him?

Connor went into that sweet six year old narcissistic mode. "Yeah, but what about me? What will happen to me? How will I be taken care of? How will my Christmas needs be met? "

Roger assured him Santa had his ways and you never knew where Santa might leave a present.

And isn't this true for all of us, the human us? That buried narcissistic us. We all want to feel safe without anxiety over our future, no guess work, no maybes. We all want to feel comforted by loved ones. We all want to feel our needs are met without fear of being left or forgotten or lost. Yes, love is important, very important, but first comes the deeper more primitive emotional needs. Am I taken care of?

I have learned many lessons from my sons, but this was an important lesson to be reminded of by my grandson. There are so many in the world who do have to wake up destitute. People all over the planet without food, water, shelter, heat or even more mundane gifts like garbage pick-up, convenience stores, good tires, scotch tape, or something like brown sugar for that last batch of Christmas cookies. I for one appreciate my many gifts, Christmas and otherwise.

Christmas is nigh, so I will concentrate on the gifts of living, young or old. I am warm. I have books, movies, a home, family, food, I can walk even if with a cane for balance. I have Connor. He isn't making me a great grandparent yet, but I have a great-great niece coming my way. I have a car, gas and places to go. I have a job although it seems a bit uncertain for now. I have friends and a New Year's Day get together planned. I love playdates.

I am older, not dead and still learning those all important life lessons.

Many of those life lessons I learned at the knees of my children. Roger taught me what discipline looks like, how if you want to do something to slow down and do it right, how to save money, buy a home. Ian taught me that to succeed you have to fail 200 times, how to be soft on the outside and cast iron on the inside, to never deny who I am, to rarely get angry or out of sorts, how to go through life with grace. Christian taught me what art looks like, contentment, how to master a skill, how to expand my reading, my thinking, my humor.

If you ever want to know if God is great look to your children. Look, listen, and learn.

For those of you who saw, and or, followed the wrapping wars challenge on Facebook, I have to tell you that besides creating beautiful packages, Ian has his own distribution system. There are no name tags on any package. NONE!

The lesson I am currently working on is walking. I have great inspiration from many many loved ones; Jerry and Jane, Mark and Amber, Roger, Roger, Roger, Julia and Jeff, Tal, are you walking? Kathy Noland, Art Manning, when I talk to Janice she wants to get back to walking also. So 2016 is the year of the walk. Julia I don't think I will ever get to the woggle stage. Actually I know I will never get to the woggle stage. I mentioned to my friend Sandy I intend to walk; not far, not fast, not hard, but walk. Maybe wobble with my cane.

Since I have quit smoking I have gained seven to ten pounds and it feels like 207. I intend to walk them off. No cigarettes for eight weeks folks, eight weeks.

I have completed my bleeding for this family Christmas dinner. I only bled a little in the Carrot cake. Today I will organize everything else. My family gets left-overs this year. Thanksgiving left-overs. Turkey and ham left-overs. Delicious left-overs.

Also for 2016 I'm starting the Book Challenge List from the Jack Russell Memorial Library. A challenge list that my friend Sandy, or maybe Kathleen, I am getting old and forgetful, gave me for 2015. Well, better late than never, so readers start your engines the first book challenge off the book challenge list is: A book with a one word title. I'm reading Gilead, my book club's February selection.

Mark Harris I just saw the comment you left on a past blog. I'm sorry I missed it at the time, just send me a kick in the pants so I will be sure to notice in the future, or message me in FB -- I'm glad you love me.

Jeff is going to England -- somebody loves him.
Hannah is expecting a girl -- somebody loves her.
Chris Daley where is our Greenleaf update -- don't you love us?

Last great movie I watched: The Wrecking Crew, about session musicians. Great movie, I felt like I had completed "Rock n Roll 101" after I had finished. See still learning I am.

Bring on that wind, rain and fog.

Hey the abyss isn't so bad, come on down.
~ and ~
Merry Christmas Eve.