Connor, Connor, Connor

I was going to blog about my spiritual experience standing in the middle of an Oklahoma wheat field, and I will, someday, but Connor came to book club last night... A different sort of spiritual experience.

Roger dropped him off at my house and he knew we were going to "book club" so I asked him if he knew what a book club was? "Yes, granny," sigh, and I mean big Sigh, "it's where books live." Big big SIGH.

As we were preparing to leave I spread out some treat choices and told him to pack his treat tin. He had some tough choices to make. Jelly beans or chocolate chip cookies. Orange or banana. Ritz crackers or cheese crackers.

He saw some candy sitting by the computer and he said, Hey what's that? I said those are Ian's. Why? Because I bought those treats for Ian. Why? Because I love Ian. Why?

Driving down the highway towards Third Place Books he told me all about the time he went to a pirate girl book club. I said I had never heard of that and he explained to me, in detail, lots of detail,
how it was broken now, and only he and daddy knew where it was, and it wasn't for Granny's.

Driving down the highway he told me the bumper came off his Lego car.
I said Connor you told me you wouldn't take the Lego car apart if I let you bring it with you,
Are you taking it apart?
No, Granny.
Granny there are lots of pieces coming off.
Connor you told me you weren't taking it apart.
It fell apart.

I love you Granny.

He told me he didn't like girls book clubs only boys book clubs.

Granny where are our bags for books?
I didn't bring any.
Why?

Granny where are the toys?
Right here Connor.
Why are these girl toys?

We had to ride the escalator down where he told the man riding the escalator behind us to pick up a piece of trash laying on the escalator step. The man ignored him. Then he tried to snag the trash himself but decided the escalator was a little to fierce for him, so he told me to pick up the trash. I did. Then we rode the escalator up.

The other day at his house he saw a man standing beside a car across the street and yelled, Hey guy, what are you doing? No answer. So he yelled a little louder, Hey guy, who are you? That guy ignored him also.

After our exciting ride on the escalator, Connor told me he needed to go  poop.

As an emerging adult Connor has lots of questions; Why is there a hallway to the toilet? Why are there locks on the bathroom doors? Why are there toilet seat sheet protectors? Why are the toilet sheet protectors gone? He can wipe his own butt, thank you very much. Why is there soap? Why wash his hands? Why are the lights covered? Why is the tile cracked? Why can he use only two paper towels? Why is there a bench there?

What is that? It's a photo booth. What's a photo booth? Why are there lights? Why does it have a curtain?

Why are there no boys toys?

We settled down at a table to wait for the arrival of others. Why is there a table? Why are other people coming to book club? Why didn't we bring a bag for our books? Why is that lady walking?

I said Connor I'm going to go get us some water and started to walk away from the table and he YELLED, Hey don't lose me. The water was only ten steps away, but Third Place Books is a big, Big, BIG place.

After he discovered where and how to get the water it became his duty as someone arrived to go get them water. Number one; he likes to do jobs. Number two; he liked messing with the water dispenser. He liked messing with the water dispenser a lot.

He had his treat tin and shared his crackers and jelly beans with every one whether they wanted them or not. Occasionally he licked a cracker or jelly bean before he handed it to them. He ate the banana.

We walked outside to see the big fire truck that was parked there. Why is the fire truck there? Why are the working men gone? Why doesn't it have a ladder?

In the children's play area he found a toy camera. Why is this camera here? Why is it broken?

Eleanor took a photo of Connor at book club, so Connor made Eleanor stand at the end of the row so he could take a photo also. He told Eleanor his camera was a pretend camera. Why is there a pretend camera?

He had to give all the book club ladies a hug as we left and Mary said, You should sell those.

As we were walking out of Third Place Books to go home he waved good bye to every customer in the store; eating, walking, talking, ordering, paying, entering or exiting. Why are you talking me home?

Where is our bag of books?
Why don't we have bags for books?

Driving home he sighed, a big big sigh and said, I tried really hard not to play with girls toys.

Yep, that's the boy.

My book club friends all told me how cute he is and what nice manners he has. He is and does, but I really enjoyed the compliments anyway.

When I delivered him home and was telling mom and dad about the "pirate book club lady" Roger figured out that he and Grampa Fortener had once gone to the library where Connor had a story time with a pirate book club lady and then he and Grampa went home with bags of books.

Being granny is exhausting what with fetching, carrying, sorting, fixing, holding, and answering 17,000 whys in the span of several hours. Stephanie had no sympathy for me being exhasted since it's what she does every day. Plus I had to eat a few wet jelly beans and crackers.

Eleanor emailed me the photo, I posted it on Facebook, and Mary, bless her, wrote "Connor is sweetness and light boys style."


I want to mention that I talked to Janice the other day, well she can barely talk, but we tried to talk and she is depressed, very depressed. She keeps getting worse instead of better. She has more infections and more serious infections. She asked me to come see her. I said I would see what I could do, and she said I don't want you to make a special trip. I said, Well, Janice the only reason I would come would be special and to see you. Silly sister.

I hope no one is hurt too badly with the April winter storms.
I hope Jerry's knee is still semi functional.
I hope everyone else's heath is semi functional.
I hope everyone else is semi functional.
and
I hope Hannah has a spectacular birthday today.
and
I'm glad Connor isn't here to ask why.