Christmas Dithering

Christmas dithering. It's that time of year. I have a list a mile long and --  the dithers.

What to get for whom. Watch this movie or that. I sit down, then hop up to do nothing in particular. It just seems wrong somehow to sit, after all there is so much to do; cards to write, packages to wrap, candy to make, a bit of shopping. Plus lots of thinking going on.

My mind is not really focusing on anything. It flits. The Monkey Brain syndrome. I think I should boil some eggs because my doctor said I needed more protein, make soup stock from my left over turkey bones, what about a musical instrument for Connor, it's between a ukulele and a roll up piano, call sisters, check fingernails, do I want a manicure today, go throw away that last piece of left over pumpkin pie, get my b-12 shot, holler for Roger to come help with a fuse so I don't kill myself days before Christmas.

And dithering about the blog -- it's family and friends time of year and I'm dithering about dithering. I rarely take part in Facebook tests and such, but here I am taking a test to see if I think like an adult or a child. Like I don't know this? My mental age is 29 if you're interested. Yeah, surprised me too. I talked to Jean who was making goodies for the family Christmas breakfast. I was a bit jealous so I started thinking about Costa Rican monkeys, the chittering kind, and a wedding practically a year away. Should I wear my Ugg boots today, should I charge my phone or clean the toilets.

What movie to buy Connor. It's between The Lego Movie and How to Train Your Dragon part Two. After all thinking about Connor is not dithering.

I read in the book The Fault in Our Stars, page 14, "You and you alone know us as we know ourselves." Shogun said we had three faces, "One for strangers, one for family and one for ourselves only." Or something like that. It's about the same thing or is this just more dithering?

I followed Lynn Burnell's Facebook post about Kabalarian philosophy and name analysis. Why am I reading this? Read Facebook, read the newspaper or read a book? I'm investing time and energy into reading about bird watching in the Pacific Northwest this winter. Why? Isn't this Julia's domain?

I'm thinking about Tal and trucks and fishing. Jeff and biking and playing. Julia's birds, Jean's cookies, Janice's crossword puzzles, Jerry's reading, Hannah's red hair, Art's achy leg, how busy work has been. Isn't retail supposed to be busy in December? Working from home, hearing aids, baby dolls, school pageants, Santa pictures, snow on the mountains, and cold, lots and lots about cold temperatures.

There is a native canoe show at the Hibulb Culture Center, Journey with our Ancestors; Coast Salish Canoes. They have a store with lots of native arts and crafts and I want to go and see if they have a beautiful, native, ethnic belt for Jerry's purse. I know he wants one.

I lost the Turkey Coloring contest at work. Mine was awesome, I just knew I had won. When I congratulated the actual winner, she said, "Your's was better." Music to my ears.

Stephanie put a post on Facebook about sharing stories/memories about ourselves through the month of December; December to Remember: I love that idea. Memories; like Lonnie trying to be gallant and carry me from the boat to dry land and dropping me in the water. Favorite Christmas movies: Love Actually and Millions.

An unfocused mind is a wistful thing...

Memories: Mother sent me a card after Little Lonnie was born with the phrase "dithering idiot." I loved that card, and yes, I have it still. Aunt Josephine was goofy about Lil' Lon, but he loved Aunt Janice best.

Love. All this dithering brings you down to the basics doesn't it? A straight line to Love. Christmas a time for family, friends and love. Claire's brother passed away five weeks after her sister. That made me think hard about family, siblings and friends. I'm sad for Claire, but I'm sad thinking of my family also as we face this in our future.

What cookies I make, or not, has little relationship to the love of the Season.

Ian's car heater went out.
Jacquie Wishnewsky and I shopped on Black Friday.
I love Chris' new car.
I'm constantly amazed by Jason's motorcycle obsession.
What can I find at Trader Joe's.
Roger went running on Thanksgiving.
 and more b-12 shots, only six more to go.

Roger told me "No" Doesn't he love me anymore? I'm not over it yet. He didn't want to put a fuse in a live electrical fuse box and said he would pay for an electrician. Maybe that is love. Tough love.