The family landscape has changed. Like plate tectonics there has been a powerful shift. Our world was rocked, our life altered, our hearts broke. The sun has set on that part of our lives that was shared with Jeff.
I didn't know Jeff's shoe size -- it was big like his heart. We all heard the story of how he was too big to donate his body to science. That's a pretty good indication of how big his heart was.
Or what kind of music he listened to -- his laughter was music to us all.
How did he take his steak? I don't know how he took his steak because he was busy eating bacon not steak.
What was he scared of besides snakes? Not a dang thing.
There is a lot about Jeff that I don't know, but what I do know is how he loved and who he loved. Family, with a special niche for grandchildren. I know he loved relaxed. He loved funny. He loved big.
The main thing you need to know about Jeff is he was a "Yes" man. Or to be more specific he was a "Yep" man, a "Sure" man. A "SWEET" man. He was always ready for an experience, or an adventure no matter how big or small. Zoo, a walk in the woods, ride a boat, move some furniture, fix a flat, museum prowling, train riding, trip going, driving, climbing, hiking, camping, coffee, food, party, aquarium. "Let's go to Missouri for a hot dog." Sweet! Let's go sleep with tigers." Sweet!
Stories abound:
Telling Jerry he had no control over a situation. "Just go to the end of your chain and bark."
My new jeans with a rhinestone butterfly on the rear. "That's not a butterfly, that's a b-52 bomber."
After hiking about 15 miles around Greenleaf lake. "I learned anything over 8 miles is a back packing trip."
On not having enough money for retirement. "I'll eat dog food and sit in the dark to retire."
He took me to a local grocery store so I could admire the width and breadth of the parking spaces. Spaces big enough for a 1984 Lincoln Continental, not some puny-ass Prius. Parking spaces big enough for the senior citizen's Cadillac or all the other old luxury cars still residing in Bella Vista. He did have some humor.
Laying a beloved brother to rest was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. Don't ask me why but it was harder than James with the family history of heart disease. Harder than Mother with her fragile health. Harder than Josephine, she being the oldest.
But Jeff? The lively one, the funny one, you young one. How can all that joy and spirit be gone? Not lost, just gone. How can a life be over and not finished?
If we are going to talk about Jeff there should be a campfire to commend his spirit to Heaven. A BIG campfire.
I was so angry at his funeral -- it wasn't big enough for Jeff. Not enough commemorating his life. Not enough life. He was bigger than that. Jason reminded me the "blow out" will be at Greenleaf.
I imagine it is about all of us coming through to the other side. The side of life without Jeff. Jeff would have told the stories that would have made us all laugh. Stories full of humor, understanding, and wisdom.
As he told the nurse during one of his doctors visits after he had been diagnosed with a brain tumor and had two years to live. when she said "You'd be fun to know." He answered "If you want to get to know me, you had better hurry."
Life without Jeff will be memory, remembrances, stories, laughter or quiet snickering as we remember a gesture, a smile, a tilt of the head, a story.
Laying to rest one with such a big heart.
Finally Jeff you can go to Greenleaf with just one suitcase.
How do you grieve for a beloved one?
How do you grieve for someone as bright and bold as Jeff?
How many metaphors are there? Which ones will bring comfort? Jeff has left the building. He's in a better place. His spirit is with us always. None of them work.
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