I'm Alive

As I sit here, early on this Quiet New Years morning, I'm alive and that's good enough for me. So, 2014 come on in, I can take what ever you have to bring.

Nothing much happened in 2013, it wasn't a stellar year, I didn't get invited to the Oscars by George Clooney, nor was there a disaster, well there was the opossum saga, but you can't quite call that a disaster. I didn't need a stick, cane, walker, wheel chair, surgery, brace, bandage, doctor or emergency room. All good. No rage, broken heart, broken bone, loss of home, job, or child. All good.

I was wondering, as I pondered the new year coming, that if this were my final hour, my final year, if I was suddenly at world's end or if instead of world's end it was Jan's end, am I content with the now? Mike Noland asked on Facebook; Have you found joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to others? Wonderful pondering and then gentle pride in being able to answer, "mostly yes." Years ago I learned a life lesson that the way to make the world a better place is to make yourself a better person.

A gentle now, a gentle contentment, a gentle pride. No passionate yearnings. No mountain I need to go climb. No path I have to explore. No intense self discovery. No book, movie, trip that reading, seeing, or doing makes me ache with desire. Gentle regrets? Of course, a few.

My friend Lynn asked on her Facebook post as she pondered the successful completion of a years long resolution to walk a park every day; Where do your energies want to go? I meditated on this question and the answer was easy; creative. I want my energies to go to more creative endeavors. Hmm, It seems like this was part of last years New Year ponderings. Hmm, it seems Lynn was way more successful at achieving than I was.

So, the Year of the Horse has me turning back to creativity -- again. Obama can take care of Obamacare. Pope Francis can take care of the Catholic church. The Dali Lama can take care of the Buddhists. The Weinstein brothers and George Clooney can take care of Hollywood. Dan Gerler can take care of Online Shoes. Julia can take care of sitting on a pyramid. Roger and Stephanie can take care of Connor. Ian and Christian can take care of themselves. Someone else can take care of the state of the highways, toll roads, prisons, and cooking shows. God can take care of the weather, natural disasters, The Duck Dynasty, and all the other odds and ends of strife. There, since that's all covered that leaves me room to read, watch movies, play and get in touch with my creative side. Here is a question for you; How can I make dusting fall into the category of being more creative? After all I might have company this year and I will be hosting the 15th anniversary of Book Club. According to Hallmark the year of crystal, Hallmark takes care of that.

When asked at work yesterday what my New Years plans were I said, a good book, a good movie and good take-out. That worked for me. Getting in touch with the weeness of my life has worked for me. Getting in touch with the rhythm of my life has worked for me. Small beats of work, dinner, baths, Connor, friends, family, books, movies has added up to a great deal of joy. Joy for myself that hasn't harmed others or myself.

I didn't want to get Connor a toy for Christmas, so I made him a calendar of experiences; working man's store, Legos store, visit Christian's shop, paint a t-shirt, ride something. Months of root beer floats, book club, balloons or some other wee adventure. Now, that is some gentle joy. Happiness does come in small packages I guess, until grandsons become Taylor's size.

Instead of signing off with Happy New Year, I'd rather say have a comforting New Year.