What a Time, What a Time

Having company for weeks kept me busy. Claire and I did errands, visited Social Security more than once (did you know at SS you can't have guns, cell phones, photography, or talk to the guard), we went out to eat, a lot, survived the heat, (over two weeks of over eighty degrees), watched her car get loaded and hauled away (it still hasn't arrived in Minnesota). In the meantime my little life tasks were ignored and I had no alone time, no down time, no solitude. I need solitude.

After Claire flew away I curled up with solitude and zoned out; completely. I didn't watch a movie, read a book, go out for breakfast, lunch or dinner, think, didn't see Connor, it was too hot to nap, and I didn't do all those pesky little life maintenance tasks. I stared off into space and let my body re-configure itself back into "Jan." I need solitude.

Now, it is catch up time for all those life tasks I ignored. Nope, not done yet. Hair is shaggy, toenails need clipping, medicine not ordered. I did drag myself to the grocery store, and had a lovely breakfast with most of book club. The living room is back to being a living room. And Claire has found an interim apartment as she settles into Minnesota life.

Sometimes life is complicated. Sometimes people are complicated. Sometimes love is complicated.

Work, friends, family, forgiving, letting go. Who hasn't been conflicted, torn a little bit apart at various times, numerous times? It's complicated. Relationships with a rend in them that wasn't quite mended, not completed severed, but not quite right. Maybe not on solid ground, don't know where you stand. A bit askew. A mean grandmother. A uncompromising dad. A boss who doesn't have your back. A daughter who misbehaves.

Complicated conflicted emotions are a part of living.

"For what it's worth, it is never too late"
 I don't remember where I read that.

"I'm not suffering, I'm struggling." Movie Still Alice.

As I sit downtown and watch all the people go to and fro. I notice all the shades and sizes of people. Walking alone or in groups people do not match. Orange purses, checkered shirts, suit and tie, platform shoes, spiffy, scruffy, and all shades in between. People do not match. 

Personalities do not match. There are always slight variations, major variations. My belief in the after life has a small tilt that you don't quite agree with. My love of a movie doesn't quite fit your criteria for a good movie. My enjoyment of macaroni and cheese doesn't match yours. 

At our book club breakfast Mary had a slightly different take on this observation. Smart Mary. She observed that all of our exteriors are different. I have a horse skull in my living room, Mary has a painting of Bears, Sandy has a garden of roses. Some people have crystal or brass or multiple TVs.

Our exteriors don't match like our interiors don't match. We admire different stuff, hang onto different stuff, collect different stuff, baby different stuff, want different stuff. 

All the shades and sizes of a person. All the shades and sizes of a personality. All the shades and sizes of our environment. What's not to love?

And then I saw an advertisement for a $300.00 tire swing, $300.00 for what? A tire swing? 

Life is complicated. 

~ and ~

Today is Jean's birthday. 

I think I will have a cupcake in her honor.

And maybe some mac n'cheese.

And bless the cooler weather, only 78 today.

And rain is on its way.

Love you Jean.