How To Ruin Someones Day

Smash their assumptions.

First of all you have to know there is a chasm between the 2nd floor -- call center and the 7th floor -- corporate.

I received my email to go to my meeting Monday morning with the benefits councilor, "Right next to the new copy machine." Huh? Like I know where the new copier is on the 7th floor. I emailed back where is the new copier and received this answer "Right next to Peter's office." Huh, like I know who Peter is let alone where he is.

I decided to wing it and arrived on the 7th floor and came face to face with the receptionist who looked at me like I was a fat old lady that possibly might be one of the downtown homeless who has somehow invaded her domain. Her first course of action was to ignore me. I approached and said I needed to go to my benefits meeting and could she direct me.

Her second course of action was to ignore me.

When she realized I wasn't a leftover fragment of last night's nightmare, that I wasn't disappearing, that I wasn't going away, she wafted aloft off her size 2 derriere didn't say anything and started down the hall. I decided this third ignoring was my invitation to follow, so follow I did.

I never did see the new copier, but I found a man standing there, extending his hand for a hearty handshake, and saying, "I know, I know, you were expecting Renee."

Smashed assumption 1: I answered, No, I wasn't expecting Renee, I was here for my meeting and didn't know the name or gender of the person I was meeting with.

Smashed assumption 2: "What's your name?" Jan Carrillo-Jones. "No, Jan is just what you go by, what's your real name?" Jan is my real name, but it's my middle name, are you looking for Neomia?

Smashed assumption 3: "My weekend was great, what great weather we had, I feel all fresh for the new week. How was your weekend?" I work on the weekend, my days off are Thursday and Friday.

Smashed assumption 4: "Here sign into this," indicating the laptop computer, "Don't you just love laptops?" Don't know. I don't have one. "Well, you use one every day," said a little testily. No, we don't have laptops in the call center.

"What are you doing? Are you just trying to give me a hard time?" No, I just came for the benefits meeting.

Smashed assumption 5: "So, Carrillo is that your maiden name?" By now I don't feel I owe him any mini explanation because his assumptions are wrong, so I answer. No.

So he looks at me like I am a fat old lady that possibly might be one of the downtown homeless who has somehow invaded his domain and told me I was causing him trouble.

Later as I was relating the story to Ian, he said I'm sorry he made you feel bad. I said he didn't make me feel bad, he gave me a wonderful window into people who have a cast-in-stone, this-is-the-way-it-is, already set assumptions mindset. And material. That I would be writing a great blog.

What a powerful reminder to me to yield the need to know, to feel somehow that my self-esteem depends on being in the know. What a powerful reminder to see and hear people as real and not my own assumptions popping in my head. What a powerful reminder to yield the need to to be right. The man's assumptions were common, but 100 percent wrong. What a powerful reminder that if you smash assumptions you can ruin someones day.

On second thought I don't think I ruined his day. I think I was his story that night at the dinner table.


The book club ladies had an annual Book Club Lasagna feast at Kathleen's house last night and my new Cookie recipe was requested so I thought I would share it here. Delicious.


Oatmeal Cranberry White Chocolate Cookies

2/3 c butter
2/3 c brown sugar
2 eggs
1-1/2 c oats
1-1/2 c flour
1 teas baking soda
1/2 teas salt
1 6-oz Craisins dried cranberries
2/3 c white chocolate chips

Mix butter and sugar.
Add eggs.
Add oats, flour, baking soda and salt.
Stir in cranberries and chips.

Bake 375 for 10-12 minutes
About 2-1/2 dozen


Janice sent me a really fancy recipe for Curried Cauliflower Salad. I haven't tried it yet and it is a long complicated recipe, so after I try it I will post it, but thanks Janice. It reads delicious. Candied curried cashews and curried cauliflower mixed with peas, bell pepper, dried apricots, cilantro and syrup. What's not to love.

Three weeks without seeing Connor, he will have forgotten me.