Book-Ends

Connor can hurl himself into a full, face-down, tummy float, with gusto. All spread eagled and coming up smiles. He was so proud of himself that he showed me and his swim teacher this feat about 42 times before the thirty minute session was over. This is the little guy who 10 days ago would hardly put his chin in the water with Simon Says instructions. This two week intensive swim session is coming to an end, but Mommy does have him signed up to another two weeks so I will see more fascinating feats before summer ends.

Endings; I have been thinking about those lately. You know the ending that comes to us all. Stumbling towards the finish line we all complete our journey one way or another. We all start in the mystery of life and end in the know not what. Who ever said "the clock is ticking" never said a truer word. Regrets? Nearing the dark abyss of no return I'm feeling regrets, aches, pains, heartache, so I'm mustering my defenses, my argument, my rational.

Strange beginnings, beginning in the dark abyss of mystery. We birth from the same place as the Universe, who could ask for more? We all start, go someplace and end. With style and panache we all travel our own road.

No one has a road map, we muddle through one step at a time, one hic-up at a time, one mistake at a time. No one has a crystal ball. Looking back every decision was made as I came to that fork in the road, bump in the road, mountain in the road. I have never been accused of living a careful, correct, good life. I have made some colossal, spectacular, bad decisions. I can say in my entire life I have only done three truly worthy deeds, but somehow those colossal bad decisions add to the make up of me.

No one has beforehand knowledge. We go with what intelligence, experience and personality we are blessed with. Some people stop and smell the roses and some people mow them over. Some walk on the wild side. There are drivers, walkers, saunters, attackers, joggers. People who constantly scan right and left looking for pitfalls and danger. People who never look right or left but only stay focused with eyes in fixed positions. Eyes straight ahead. Some live a quiet life, or a busy life, an exciting life, a contemplative life, a chaotic life, a creative life. Do you travel in a circus or solitary?

Why would anyone care what my path is or how I walk it? No one has my style, my compunctions, my fears, my destination or lack there of. We come, we live, we go. Life's plan? You're born -- you die. The ownership of it. The randomness of it. The mystery of it. It's all too big and lovely for my feeble brain. I figure I'll understand it all in the big by and by. What song mentions the phrase "further along"?

During Janice's medical ordeal she spoke of the incredible will to survive. I'll buy that. And watching Connor hurl himself into the pool for a full, face-down, spread eagled, tummy float -- with gusto -- made me grateful for that will to survive and the opportunity to live.

Swim teaching is an incredible high energy job. Granny's, not so much.

Conner and I were playing robots and dinosaurs, so I asked him, what do you like better robots or dinosaurs? This turned into a game of what-do-you-like-better. Pizza or hamburgers? Batman or Superman? Green or blue? Right foot or left foot? Elbows or clavicles? Cars or planes? Then I made one of my colossal mistakes and asked my little obsessive/compulsive grandson what did he like better Buzz Lightyear or his day care teacher Miss Katie. "NO GRANNY, you can't ask that, you have to ask What do I like better Buzz Lightyear or WOODY, not Miss Katie.

That boy has a journey ahead. His journey.

On a side note, a kind of PS; When I was visiting Janice at the rehab center in California I noticed the paper wrapping on the straws said they were "Medical Straws." Again, too deep for my feeble brain, but isn't life always entertaining?